Emotional Intimacy – 5 Ways to Reconnect With Loved Ones 2024

I am going to break this down into 3 parts or examples:

1. emotional intimacy in a family context
2. emotional intimacy in a romantic partnership
3. emotional intimacy in friendships.

These are all fundamentally important relationships for all of us, and thus worthy of taking good care of. Even if it sometimes means putting in a little bit of effort in order to give space for others to be open and honest with us.

1 Emotional intimacy needs healthy boundaries

First things first; healthy boundaries are a solid base of any well-functioning relationship. In short, boundaries mean personal limits and rules that we set for ourselves. Never assume that you are entitled to set boundaries for anyone else, no!

You can only set boundaries for yourself in terms of what kinds of behaviour and talk you accept from your loved ones. Here’s how it could work in terms of emotional intimacy:

1. Many of us have family memebers, partners or even friends who tend to interfere in our lives in inappropriate ways. It could be in terms of forcing their opinion on us about everything we do or dream about in life.
2. Or it can get as bad as them offending our privacy. This could be for example parents barging into your house without a warning on a regular basis.

To make our loved ones understand our boundaries, we need calm and clear communication:

1. Sit down with your family, friends or partner and ask them how they would feel and/or react if you commented on their lives the way they do about yours.
2. Or how would they like it if you barged into their house unannounced while they are in the shower.

The key here is to keep the conversation calm and collected, and most importantly to listen. Everybody should have their say, after which you can talk about your boundaries that need to be respected going forward.

Yes, there are some groups of people with whom calm and collected conversations are not possible. In these situations it is completely up to you to make sure your boundaries are respected.

And if that means removing some people from your life or taking your house keys away from your parents, then that’s what must be done.

There can’t be emotional intimacy unless everybody’s boundaries are respected.

2 Check in on your loved ones regularly

You’ve probably worked in a company where weekly or monthly team meetings were a thing. The reason for monthly meetings should be to check-up on everybody, how they’re getting on with work and figuring out if something could be improved.

This is a great practice (when executed properly), so why wouldn’t you practice it with your loved ones? It doesn’t have to be too often, and it doesn’t need to be a formal occasion. Just ask a spouse, family member or friends how they are actually doing.

After a good, chill talk you can all continue onwards with a lighter heart and a stronger relationship. The conversation could include topics like these:

• Get a conversation started by appreciating something about each other.
• Talk about your day / week / month, what has everybody been up to?
• Ask about something that has bothered or puzzled them about you (yes, it’s a tough one and you need to be ready to hear the answers).
• In return you can give them nonjudgemental feedback on something you’d like them to do better on.
• End the conversation on a positive note by complimenting them on something or at least thanking them for the conversation.

And again, if your friends, family or partner are incapable of sitting down with you to have an adult conversation, it is time to ask whether those people actually should to be in your life.

3 Make emotional intimacy a daily routine

Emotional intimacy is a practice that we have to be aware of until it becomes a habit. And it is said that it takes a human being two to three weeks to do something regularly before it becomes a habit.

Couple weeks of routinely practicing emotional intimacy doesn’t sound so bad, does it? In practice this doesn’t have to mean anything major either.

• Bringing an emotional intimacy routine to your daily life can be as small as making coffee for your partner every morning.
• Or asking your parents whether they need help with mowing the lawn or any housework.
• Surprising your best friend with something small once a month is always a good idea.

The trick here is to make time for your loved ones. It doesn’t need to be hours, but it has to be a regular occurrence, so that they can build trust on the fact that you are there for them.

Within healthy relationships this automatically results in them taking you into account more as well.

But remember that just like with happiness, also emotional intimacy is all about the little things and gestures, and learning to appreciate them.

4 Take a digital detox

Let’s be honest here, we all need this! The biggest hinderance for emotional intimacy is technology and especially social media. Those cold and empty realms of our current reality that we should learn to avoid.

Addiction to social media and different kinds of content shared online is becoming a bigger and bigger problem. And it is especially disrupting our relationships on all fronts.

• Kids not getting off their phones while visiting their parents;
• couples spending all evenings on separate ends of the couch each on their own phone;
• friends not talking while going out for lunch because they’re too busy on Instagram.

All of this is extremely unhealthy and destructive to human interaction. And without human interaction there can’t be emotional intimacy.

The easiest way to take a digital detox while spending time with your loved ones is to mute your phone. And perhaps put it somewhere where you can’t see it either.

If you’re a competitive personality you could also challenge your family, friends and partner to stay away from their phones for a certain period of time per day. Every day!

Keep it light-hearted, see who cracks first, and reward the one who lasts the longest.

5 Cheerlead each other

Last but not least, the easiest way to practice emotional intimacy with your loved ones is to act as their cheerleaders. We all need someone who pushes us gently when we need it, and who celebrates with us no matter what!

Just acknowledging the people we love and how well they are doing on a regular basis strengthens our relationships substantially. And it happens without any effort!