The first thing you notice when you walk out of Ngurah Rai airport isn’t the smell of incense or frangipani. It’s the smell of diesel exhaust and 95% humidity hitting you like a wet wool blanket. Everyone tells you Bali is this spiritual awakening waiting to happen, but for the first three days, I just wanted to hide in my hotel room and order Gojek. Most ‘best places to visit Bali’ lists are written by people who spent four days in a sponsored villa and never had to negotiate a scooter through a flooded ditch. I spent two months there last year, and honestly? A lot of it is a disaster. But some of it is actually worth the twelve-hour flight.
Canggu is just a humid version of a WeWork lobby
I know people will disagree with me on this, and the ‘digital nomad’ crowd will probably want to pelt me with overpriced avocado toast, but Canggu is a nightmare. It’s not a Balinese village anymore. It’s a sprawling, dusty construction site filled with people wearing linen shirts trying to look like they aren’t working while they stare at MacBooks. I stayed there for two weeks because I thought I was ‘supposed’ to. I was wrong.
The traffic is like trying to pour cold honey through the eye of a needle. I actually tracked this—I spent an average of 14 minutes waiting for a Grab scooter just to move 1.2 kilometers down the road. It’s faster to walk, but you can’t walk because there are no sidewalks and the heat makes you look like you’ve just climbed out of a swimming pool within five minutes. If you want to go to a beach club where the music is so loud you can’t hear your own thoughts and a Bintang costs three times what it should, go to Canggu. Otherwise, skip it. Total waste of time.
The part about Ubud that nobody tells you
I used to think Ubud was the soul of the island. I was completely wrong. What I mean is—actually, let me put it differently. Ubud is a beautiful idea that has been strangled by its own popularity. You go there for the ‘Eat Pray Love’ vibe, but what you get is a traffic jam of tour buses on roads built for ducks.
That said, I still think it’s one of the best places to visit in Bali if you stay at least 20 minutes outside the center. I stayed in a small homestay in Penestanan and that was different. You could actually hear the frogs at night. But please, for the love of everything, stay away from the Monkey Forest. I have a genuinely unpopular opinion about this: those monkeys are demonic. I saw a macaque steal a woman’s prescription glasses and snap them in half just for fun. I think the whole place should be closed down. They aren’t ‘cute wildlife’; they are organized crime syndicates in fur coats. Don’t go.
Pro tip: If you’re going to Ubud, go in January. I know it’s the peak of the rainy season and every guide tells you to avoid it, but the rain cleans the vibes and chases away the worst of the crowds. Just buy a $2 poncho and deal with it.
My embarrassing failure on the Shortcut
If you do end up in the Canggu/Berawa area, you’ll eventually hear about ‘The Shortcut.’ It’s a narrow strip of paved road through the rice fields that saves you 20 minutes of driving. It’s also where dreams go to die. In October 2023, I was trying to be cool, riding my rented NMax, wearing my fancy new sunglasses. I tried to pass a slow-moving truck, hit a patch of wet moss, and slid directly into the muddy rice paddy. I wasn’t hurt, but I was covered in grey sludge from chest to toe. A group of local school kids watched the whole thing and laughed for a solid three minutes. I had to drive back to my guest house looking like a swamp monster. The point is: don’t try to be a local. You aren’t. Stick to the main roads and pay the extra 50 cents for the long way around.
The only place I actually liked: Sidemen
If you want what people *think* Ubud is, you go to Sidemen. It’s in East Bali, about 90 minutes from the airport, and it’s spectacular. No beach clubs. No ‘concept’ cafes. Just actual rice terraces and the massive silhouette of Mount Agung looming over everything.
- Stay here: Find a bamboo villa overlooking the valley. It’s expensive but worth it once.
- Do this: Just walk. There are no maps. Just follow the irrigation channels.
- Eat this: Tipat Cantok from a roadside stall. It’s like $1.50 and better than anything in Seminyak.
I feel like I’m ruining it by even writing this, but Sidemen is the only place where I felt my heart rate actually drop. It’s quiet. Like, genuinely quiet. No construction noise, just the sound of the wind. It’s perfect.
Uluwatu is for people who hate people
Uluwatu is the southern tip. It’s all limestone cliffs and world-class surf. I have an irrational hatred of Finns Beach Club and Potato Head, so Uluwatu was my sanctuary. I refuse to recommend those big clubs even though everyone loves them, because they feel like the death of culture. They are concrete eyesores that ruined the natural beach line.
In Uluwatu, you go to Bingin Beach. You have to walk down about 200 uneven stone steps to get there, which keeps the lazy people out. It’s rugged. The water is clear. You eat grilled fish on the sand while the sun goes down. It’s the only place in Bali where I felt like I wasn’t being sold something every five seconds. The surf culture there is a bit elitist, sure, but I’d rather deal with a grumpy Australian surfer than a lifestyle influencer any day of the week.
Look, I don’t know if Bali is still ‘worth it’ in the long run. The infrastructure is failing and the ‘island of the gods’ is slowly becoming the ‘island of the traffic jams.’ But if you get away from the main strips, there’s still something there. I think about that afternoon in Sidemen a lot, just watching the clouds move over the volcano. Was it worth the mud in my ears and the 18 days I spent sitting in traffic? I’m still not sure.
Go to Sidemen. Skip the monkeys.